The Diaries
by Bombayoni
Summary: Finished This is a series of letters the guys wrote... the PG 13 is cautionary... I'm not sure how squicky soe people are, but there is no specifics...
1. Trowa

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and affiliates belong to Sotsu and whoever else they belong to. I have exactly $0.25 in my possession at the moment, and never have more than twenty, so suing would do nothing but cause my parents to go bankrupt...  
  
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 5xS  
  
Notes: This is the first serious Gundam fic I've done that will be put on a website. These will be put on in chronological order so that mostly everything will match up. Bear with me here.  
  
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Trowa  
  
I'm not entirely sure who to write this to. I'll just write to the wind, maybe. It's as good as anything.  
  
When I was very small, I was taken in by a band of mercenaries. If they hadn't found me, I'd be dead. But the things they did to me... They're beyond description. I killed the survivors of that last battle. I think I was seven.  
After that, I traveled alone, until the Barton Organization found me. I was ten when I first learned my letters. I quickly became very good at anything they had me do.  
Then they killed Trowa Barton. I became the official pilot of Heavyarms, and I finally got a name.  
After a few months of training, I met Quatre. He earned my admiration then by not flaunting the fact that he was the richest man in the world. And he never forced me to talk. I didn't need to.  
We met the others about a month later. [1] Quatre and Duo immediately hit it off and I realised how much he was starved for another voice, how much of himself he'd controlled so that I'd feel comfortable. After that, I tried to speak more.  
Wufei was very bitter. He understood human nature, I think. And he had no one else to talk to, so it became internal. His strength earned my respect.  
Heero was a kindred spirit. He spoke when he had to but otherwise, he was silent as a shadow. But he wasn't alone. Duo wouldn't allow it. Heero and I have always been best friends.  
Duo was – bubbly. He helped me speak, and yet understood when the effort needed was just too much. They all accepted me, with no reservations. That amazed me. They weren't afraid I might hurt them.  
I still have nightmares about the time with the mercenaries. They are quiet, but I wake up in a cold sweat. Quatre is always there. He asks no questions, he just holds me. I'm ready to tell him about it now.  
Quatre and I were married seven years ago. Our son Beauregard (Bo), is six tomorrow, and Sunny will be four in May. Kahlil was two last month.  
It took me along time not to flinch when Quatre kissed me, and even longer to make love without running into memories of the times before. But now I think I'm able to enjoy it. I've still got some demons, but they're in my past.  
Catherine invited me to a reunion of the circus. I think I'll do her one better. Quatre and I have discussed this, and I think we'll open an amusement park. That would be nice.  
I have to go now. Kahlil's crying.  
Goodbye, whoever and whatever you are.  
  
/.../  
  
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[1]: I am aware that it probably didn't happe that way... but this is what artistic license is for. 


	2. Wufei

Disclaimer: The same as before...  
  
Pairings: the same as before...  
  
Notes: This is the next part. The rest is the same as before.  
  
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Wufei  
  
I feel so foolish. But I need this. I have been running for much too long. I need to let it go.  
  
It is AC 206. I am 28. It has been fourteen years. Fourteen. Nearly one-and- a-half-decades.  
  
I am contemplating just dropping out of sight, flying under the radar as it were. I dislike attention and I've been getting far too much lately.  
  
But I know I will just bear it. I think I can do it. Sally will help.  
  
I married her on AC 200, June 8. Tomorrow's our sixth anniversary. In exactly nine months our son, Chien-Po, will be six.  
  
I did not like Sally at first. She was too forward, too- too much like you. Then she showed me she was different.  
  
You know, I do not believe I ever told you, but I love you. I never showed it either, until the end.  
  
I did not tell Sally until Chien-Po was three. She had told me the day he was born.  
  
I would have told you, eventually. But your death hurt me. If I were Japanese, I would have committed seppuku, and taken myself with you. [1]  
  
But, what is done is done As Duo always says, "If it happened, then it was meant to happen. If it didn't, it wasn't." I believe him. You died for a purpose, just as I lived. Who knows, maybe Chien-Po will be someone important, or give birth to someone important.  
  
And little Mei. She is only two, but she is my favorite girl. Strangely enough, she looks like you. And she is just as intelligent.  
  
So, in a way, I will not really be letting you go.  
  
Meiran, sometimes I have a dream that you lived and we had children, but then the dream becomes a nightmare because I go away for one day for some reason and it explodes.  
  
You all die. I always wake up screaming.  
  
But they are less frequent now.  
  
This is good-bye, Onna. I will see you in the next life, Meiran, my Nataku.  
  
/...In the next life Wufei. And don't call me Onna!.../  
  
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[1]: seppuku is a Japanese term that is used when a person 'spills their bowel into the jar of their love's ashes.' I got the idea from a wonderful book called Xenocide, by Orson Scott Card. 


	3. Duo

Disclaimer: Same as before  
  
Pairings: Same as before  
  
Notes: this is Duo's turn to shine...  
  
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Duo  
  
When I first met him, I hated him. Maybe it was the way he was prepared to kill her, like a mindless drone. Maybe it was his eyes, those flat emotionless orbs that extinguished all the light.  
  
I just think I hadn't gotten to know him. I hate almost everyone until they prove themselves worthy of my trust. That's probably why I still hate her. She never proved herself to me.  
  
Anyway, after he set his own leg, I almost liked him, even though he squicked me out, but when he stole part from my Gundam, he was on my shit list. But then I was forced to work with him, and he stopped trying to kill her and stopped yelling at me, sort of. Why just the other day he... ahem. Anyway, he got me to trust him, and I got to know him- well as much as he'd let me. Hey, I didn't let him in on my sordid past either.  
  
Well, we met up with the other three, and Quarter didn't have to earn my trust. He's just so open and innocent that it made me waive my usual waiting period after barfing from the sweetness. Although now I wouldn't count him among the innocents in the world. The things we've seen... they'd make any man bitter. But Quatre, he just let it roll off like water.  
  
Now Trowa, he was a strange one. He earned my trust by not asking questions, and sticking with the short story he had. That took guts.  
  
Wufei was one bitter young man when I met him, and I didn't much like him. Then I found out that he was the sole survivor of that Colony explosion, and I connected with him, me being a sole survivor too, and all. I was actually amazed that he'd been so- well, normal. As normal as a soldier who's barely fifteen can be, that is.  
  
But I never trusted any of them like him. Especially after the war. When I disappeared, he came looking for me. Just like the time he got Wufei and me out of that OZ base. I was hiding out on L2, picking pockets and living in the church ruins. That was how he found me. They came to put up a memorial, and I was unconscious from malnutrition and sleep depravation. He took me to L4 where Ahkeem, Quatre's doctor, patched me up.  
  
After that, he forced me to live with him and get a job with the Preventers. That was twelve years ago. I'm one of the top operatives they've got, and one of the bigwigs to boot.  
  
Anyway, after a year I got my own place and expected him to marry her. Another year went by, and he stayed single. I don't think he knew what he liked at that point. I've had girlfriends, I've had boyfriends. More boys than girls, but a fair spread.  
  
I introduced him to one of my ex-girlfriends, and they went out a few times, but she told me just didn't seem interested. So I introduced him to one of my ex-boyfriends, and it went a little better. They were together a year and a half before he broke it off. Mike left the relationship with a smile, and he did, too.  
  
About a month later, he asked me out. I'd thought about it, of course, but never really figured it would happen. Of course, I accepted. That was eight years ago. We were married five years ago.  
  
We actually have a kid. Her name's Jane Keiko, and she just turned three. Quatre set us up with the fertility clinic he and Trowa used. They have three of their own. Bo just turned ten, Sunny, she's seven, and Kahlil, he's five. They'll have another little girl next year, and we might have a boy. I'd probably call him Solo. Maybe Ryuji Solo. Yeah, that sounds nice.  
  
Enough about that, let's move on.  
  
Yeah, he asked me out, and then two years later told me he loved me. That had to be the best day of my life. I couldn't believe it. He loved me. Look at me, I'm tearing up. It's so girly, crying, but on our wedding day, he was complaining one hell of a lot about the dust that kept getting in his eyes.  
  
I fell in love with him on July 28, AC 201. He'd just let me drag him to a Carnival, and I knew he wasn't having much fun. Although, we had fun freaking everybody out on the Gravitron by walking on the seats and dancing to the music. Incidentally, Quatre and Trowa just opened a new amusement park. All five of us planted a camera on the Gravitron and ran around on it and laughed our asses off at the video.  
  
Getting back on track, that day I fell in love with him because he didn't protest once, and actually tried to to get the enjoyment out of it that I did. He tried, and that clinched it.  
  
I sound so sappy, and corny, but it's true. I love him. God, how I love him.  
  
I'm serious, Solo. You and Heero would get along so well. Well, maybe not that good, because of that whole, "If you were alive I wouldn't be married to him but to you'' thing. I still love you, but it's like Wu and his first wife, Meiran. I held onto your memory, to you, as long as I could. But you're gone now, and Heero's here. I think I might love him even more now because I'm finally letting you go. I think that's best.  
  
Goodbye, Solo.  
  
/... Goodbye, Duo. And good luck.../ 


	4. Heero

Disclaimer: I've put them on my Birthday Wish List... but that won't happen for nine months yet...  
  
Pairings: Same as before  
  
Notes: This is where the major angst comes in.  
  
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Heero  
  
I don't know how Duo talked me into this. It's stupid. I'm fine. I don't need 'closure.' Jane's eight; Ryuji will be five next month. I'm a father to two beautiful children who remind me more and more of their other father every day. Who could ask for more?  
  
I'll tell you the real reason I'm writing this. Duo's dying. He was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and he's fading fast. I don't know what I'm going to do if he dies. He's my rock. He kept me alive when nothing else could. I should stay strong for the children and for him. A lot of people asked me how we got together, because we are so different from one another. I've never told them the real reason I fell in love with him.  
  
When I was twenty-two, and Duo was twenty, he set me up with his friend Mike. Mike and I were together for about a year and a half. We threw Duo a twenty-first birthday party, and when he didn't drink anything (and believe me he could belt them back like a pro in those days) and he made sure everyone else got plenty, I realised that I'd been in love with him since the Eve War. Don't ask me why or how that sparked it, but it did. About six months after that party, Mike asked me if I was in love with him, and I said no. He asked me who it was I was in love with, and I answered him honestly. I said I was in love with Duo. I will always love Mike, but Duo is my heart. So I helped him pack and to this day, Duo thinks I broke it off with him. Mike got married about five years ago to a nice girl from New Jersey, and they've got twins, Colt and Suzanne. They're about four now.  
  
I have to go, Duo's calling for me... It's been four days. Duo died on September 27, AC 215 at the age of thirty five. Out of all five of us, he was the youngest, and he died first. His last words to me were: "Be happy Hee-chan. I won't wait up for you, so don't worry about coming in late." Why did God allow this? Is it because we're gay? Is that why He was so merciless as to take my one true love from me? I do not believe in Him anymore.  
  
I... can't write anymore. God, the tears... I thought they were through. But no, if you spend the better of two-thirds of your life with someone, you're bound to have a lot of tears. Goodbye, Duo... My love, Baka. 


	5. Obituaries

Note: This is the conclusion of 'The Diaries' Arc

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The Colony Times AC 225 April 20  
  
OBITUARIES  
  
Heero Yuy  
  
Born: AC 178  
  
Died: AC 225, April 18  
  
Heero Yuy died of heart failure in the early hours of the morning, though friends say, "he was just making sure the kids were safe before he left." He is survived by his two children, Jane Keiko (20), and Ryuji Solo (17).  
He also leaves behind many friends, two of the most notable being the Foreign Vice Minister Relena Peacecraft and Quatre Winner, owner and CEO of  
Winner Enterprises. During the Eve Wars, Heero was one of the famed Gundam Pilots, and after the war, he worked for the Preventers until his death. He leaves to join  
his husband Duo Maxwell-Yuy, another former Gundam pilot, who died ten  
years ago of cancer. A public service will be held Tuesday, the 24th, at the Maxwell Memorial  
Gardens, in the apple orchard.  
A smaller, more private ceremony will be held at Peacecraft Estate on  
Sunday, the 22nd, and the Vice Foreign Minister asks that the general  
public refrain from intruding on the family's private moments.  
There will be a small collection at the public service to the Maxwell Charity Fund, an organization begun by Duo himself to combat the horrors of the homeless on L2, and to help orphanages with new construction and more  
money for things such as clothes and food. All donations will be  
appreciated.


End file.
